I keep a countdown. Yeah its set to my phone and everything. Every time I look at my phone I see a picture of the person i’m going to see in a matter of weeks and how many days I have left. But how long has this thing been man… I don’t think you even realize it. more then a year. more then 12 months. more than 365 days. more than 525,600 minutes. The idea of going to prom together was only an dream in the beginning, but then god gave us a chance. He gave us a chance to pay off the fact that we both put in a lot into what we have. As time grew so did we. I feel like its been such a short period of time and no matter what we go through, the thought of being with you puts a smile on my face. Whether my days are low or not thinking of you brightens me up. The only thing i’m terrified of is growing apart. I repeat myself over and over again because I don’t ever want that to happen. I wouldn’t have to be afraid of this for no reason. I remember them days where we text all damn day over nothing at all. But then as months passed what do we even talk about anymore? Do we even talk like we used to? Was it just a phase? Like am I doing something wrong here? If I type something od long just to pour my heart out and show you whats on my mind… it kinda upsets me that Id have to brace myself for a small or one word response. Like it was pointless for me to pour my heart out because you don’t do as much as I do. Sometimes no text back at all, sometimes its just what ever. I’m constantly wishing we could facetime or talk on the phone. I never ask anymore because I know you might be busy. Because every now and then I wake up and think “hmm maybe he’ll ask to face time today:)” … or maybe tommar , or the next day. Nope. Or at night I think I hope he texts me a nice good morning text like he used to , but when I do it… it goes unacknowledged. Sometimes I be low key hurt cause I realize all that loveyduvy mess must have been a phase. That stuff you did to make me smile slowly went away and we got into that “comfortable phase” . Our convos get dull or something. Ima stop speaking on wishing we could talk more because I always end up “trippin”. Its whatever man. I love you man but I wish you knew… Like I know I repeat myself so much and if it gets on your nerves then welp sorry, but I promised Id tell you when something is bothering me. COMMUNICATION IS KEY remember? In this distance thing its all we have, remember ? I wake up a realize you are the first thing on my mind. But I always wonder if Im the first thing on yours. I be hurting because I wish it was half and half. I know you love me , you tell me. But can it go back to how it used to be? I try and try and try and it seems like its whatever. Like its not that big a deal or just dismiss it like its nothing. I been venting to my cousin and she told me I been repeating the same thing to her for weeks now. Being afraid. I didn’t even realize its been weeks that I been telling her the same thing that I am trying to get through to you. I dont want it to be like “Oh im seeing her in a few weeks anyways, so I wont talk to her as much for now” or something like that. Im tired of repeating myself bae. Im tired of feeling like sooner or later we might end up growing apart and Im tired of low key hurting and wishing to get something. I feel like typing all of this was pointless now. But you know what , I love you bae. Id never want to lose you bae. Id never want to grow apart from you bae. Id never want to be upset with you or angry with you, I say whats in my mind in hopes that it would help you see that… I miss you.
